Loving the Unexpected

The day I found out I was going to have child number six, I cried. I wish I could say they were happy tears, but they were not. If someone wanted to give me a baby (or 10) I'd happily take it, but after 11 plus years of being either pregnant or nursing, selfishly, I was done sharing my body. I'm one of the unlucky women who is sick the majority of the pregnancy. And doesn't it make sense that if barfing is part of the daily routine then gaining lots of extra pounds shouldn't be? It didn't work that way for me. Monthly I had to endure the well-meaning doctor advice "You need to watch your weight." "You're not as young as you were before, it won't be as easy to lose." My interpretation: "You are fat and old." That does wonders for a emotional gal's already fragile self image.

The thought of telling family and friends that we were once again expecting was nearly as bad as my first bout of morning sickness. Call it hormones but I wasn't ready to hear the normal  "Were you planning on another?" "How many more are you going to have?" and my favorite "Do you know how you get that way?" No, please tell me how one becomes with child. I can laugh at these lines now, but in the midst of newly accepting the news myself, I just wanted to hear, "Awesome! A baby! Congratulations!"

The worst was the guilt I felt being so blessed with children while having several friends struggle with infertility. I was ashamed of my selfishness in not wanting to be pregnant while they would give anything to be. False guilt, maybe, but I dreaded telling those friends most of all.

After I jumped off the all-about-me train, I realized what a blessing God had again chosen for me. I embraced the pregnancy (sickness, 50 extra pounds and all) and couldn't wait to meet my precious bundle.

 My babies are obstinate from the very beginning with most being two weeks over due. Which, really is okay, because I'm never ready anyway. (Imagine that, me not ready!) After the most amazing labor and delivery EVER my heart was stolen once more. 


Faith Elizabeth was every bit worth the unpleasant pregnancy. I'm so glad God knows better than I do.

She was, by far, my hardest baby. If ever I wanted a baby to communicate their needs, it was her. She made me doubt my skills as a mother, not to mention my sanity (which I still question at times). It was hard to believe someone so little could be the commander of the house. She was....and often still is.

She was strong-willed from the start. I love a girl who knows what she wants and is determined to get it, but being borderline uncompromising makes for some difficult mommy moments.

Secretly, I admire her spunk. I know determination can be a wonderful characteristic when used for God's glory. I have no doubt that He has extraordinary plans for this girl. He has already used her to change and shape me.

I have learned there is a difference in the things that I think I need and the things I truly do need. Having Faith, I have been shown how to embrace and look forward to the unexpected. My way may be the easy one with road signs that tell me the exact route with the fewest curves and detours. But God's path is full of beauty, beauty that I sometimes miss when I'm unfocused and traveling alone.

God hasn't finished revealing to me where I need to grow and mature. I am shown daily how weak and stubborn I can be. (Since being weak and stubborn are opposites, shouldn't they cancel each other out?) I am so thankful that He used a beautiful gift of a surprise pregnancy to open my eyes to what true blessings are.

Happy 2nd Birthday to my perfect little Surprise!!

**These pictures were all taken by my amazingly talented sister-in-law, Apryl. I see another photo shoot in the near future, sis. :)

Popsicle Kisses

I definitely would not have won the Mother of the Year award today. I wouldn't have even been nominated. And I'm not including the bloody nose I accidentally gave Corbin with a football or Faith only wearing a T-shirt and diaper in the store because of wet pants and no extra clothes in the diaper bag.

My list of annoyances was long and my temper was short. Annoyances such as catching my little tattoo/graffiti artist with yet another marker, finding the self proclaimed nudist had escaped out the back door for the second time in 20 minutes, discovering important papers had fell victim to the craft table with butter as the fingerpaint, sibling squabbles, messy house, dawdling students, ungrateful attitudes, laundry piles... I was grumbly. I was not wearing my #1 MOM shirt. There could be a reason I don't own one.

Most days I am content, even happy, to be where I have been called in life. Being a mom to six little and not so little people is my career of choice. Though I've never questioned where I am suppose to be, I sometimes wonder if there is something more I could being doing.  I feel my job is to be the caretaker of my family, to love and serve them. I fail everyday. My selfish wants and attitude are a stumbling block of who I want to be. Days like today I have to look hard to find the fun in being a stay home mommy, even though there is nowhere else I would rather be.

I often feel inadequate in motherhood. Shouldn't I have went to college for this? At least a trade school. There should be a book on how to look successful while wearing yogurt in your hair and snot on your shoulder. Maybe the success is surviving it and being able to look back and smile.

I know sometimes my days may seem tedious. Occasionally I feel unappreciated, unnoticed, and unwanted. But life is an adventure and the love I have for my kids far outweighs my pity party. Time will rescue me from trying two year olds and the challenging teen years, but it will also take with it piggy tails, hide-n-seek, dandelion bouquets and loud music. I'm not ready to give those up. So, I will embrace my days of sticky fingers, dirty walls and popsicle kisses.

A Peek into my Mind

Today's weather was as good as it gets! Some of us closed our eyes to the never ending chore list and spent the day out in the 80 degree sunshine. The little people were thrilled with the decision.

We went on a snake hunt and weren't disappointed

The changing of seasons brings me back to childhood. I was always so happy to leave behind the cold and darkness of winter and ready to immerse myself in warmth, color, and, of course, flip flops.

Lately I've been having feelings of nostalgia. I find myself dumpster diving into my past trying to seek out the treasures from the trash. I'm a pack rat of the mind, a hoarder of dates and memories. Some files are true gems and some should have been purged long ago.

My memories are strong and go back since the age of 2 1/2 (crazy, I know). I try not to take it personally when my friends and family don't always remember some of the silly happenings that I do. That doesn't mean they don't hold dear our times together. And maybe it means that I spend too much mental time in the past and am not focused enough on the present.

Usually I feel blessed to be able to recall so many happy times, but the unpleasant memories, though buried a little deeper, are just as vivid.

Sometimes I stumble and trip over the cluttered bits and pieces of yesteryears. I may even temporarily rewrite a memory in my head to give it a happy ending. We all know I am a Happily Ever After girl. Editing memories just makes more clutter to cram into the not-the-way-it-really-happened-but-could-have folder.

I have to be sure not to dwell on the good feeling memories to the point where I get frustrated when times are more challenging. I think my mind has a way of beautifying the good ol' days. Life seemed so simple back when...

I'm pretty sure God  allows me to keep my memories for reasons beyond my pleasure. I believe He wants me to share my trials with others, maybe my joys too. He lets me relive my past so I can offer hope to those whose shoes I've walked in. Compassion comes from empathy. Good or bad, there are no wasted memories or experiences.

Disclaimer: Though I may be able to recall my high school locker combinations, I can't for the life of me tell you what I made for supper last night! Needless to say, my memory files need prioritized and organized just as badly as my junk drawer(s).

A Day At Home School

I got all paparazzi-ish on my kids yesterday trying to document a "normal" school day. Easier said than done. Not a-one of them wanted to cooperate. My pleas and begs and bribes fell on deaf ears. What's a mom to do? Well, I strapped on the camera and snapped away. I would love to show all of the outtakes, but I want to rest peacefully at night without worrying about my sleeping, drooling face showing up on facebook the next morning because of teenage retribution. 

This desk is is seldom sat in to do school work. Let's be honest, who can
concentrate on grammar with a window to the outside world teasing you
about all the fun you are missing.

People ask if my kids do school in their jammies. The answer: almost every single morning. (See the Captain America pjs?) The girls even do the outside chores in their loungewear. Of course, there are no pictures to prove this. Take it up with the loungers. They shower and dress sometime during the day. Unless they don't.

You won't find me in my night clothes. Besides the fact that I don't own true pajamas, I'm much more comfortable in jeans and a sweatshirt. You never know who will show up at your doorstep when you're wearing your husband's old t-shirt (that should have bypassed your drawer and went straight to the rag bin) and a pair of shorts from the 90s. 

Austin's schooling is more of an eclectic approach. I have no worries he will go and do whatever he sets his heart on. He is thinking about finishing his last year in public school. He needs to get deciding. 

He's the reason I decided to home school way back when. Twelve years ago, I had a little boy who couldn't sit still and loved to clown around to get a good laugh. He was already reading and could count past 100. There was no way I was going to put this ornery kid in kindergarten to be labeled as the bored trouble maker. And more importantly, I wasn't ready to share my little mischief-maker. 

I decided to try it out and take it a year at a time. Here we are, four schooling kids later, and still at it.

I'm not going to say it's all fun and games, because it's not. Really, most days there isn't much fun involved at all. Sometimes there are even tears involved. And not just from me. We can have a good time, but I don't think any of my "students" will tell you school is cool.

Did that sell you on homeschooling? :) Honestly, I love the freedom of school at home. I like hand picking the curriculum that I want my sponges to soak in. I like being able to drop it all and go to the park or do Friday's lessons on Thursday. I like being able to vacation anytime of the year without needing permission. I love the bonds they have with each other.

That farmer-boy pocketknife would be a big no no at school

Kodi and Brooklyn attend a virtual academy online. So, I teach them absolutely nothing. Well, I hope they are learning things of life and faith from me, but my hands are free of teaching geometry. Hallelujah! Most all of their work is done on the computer. There is still some busyness on my part as the "learning coach" but I'm not there teacher! (Yes, I just spelled their wrong. I was going to delete it, but isn't it funny in that sentence?! I can't handle misspelled words. Don't even get me started on texting lingo.)

This girl definitely did not appreciate Mamarazzi.

I am not anti-public school, especially the school district we live in. My kids would attend the same small school I grew up in. And I loved school, everything about it (except getting up early...some things never change). In fact, two of my kids are very likely going there next year. I'm pushing them from the homeschooling nest and looking forward to watching them fly. I'm encouraging all my teens to, at least, try it but one wants nothing to do with it. I'm really okay with that too. She is an excellent student and already has colleges knocking. 

Don't make me laugh by asking about socialization. First of all, the definition of socialization is an individual acquiring the language, knowledge, social skills and values to conform to the norms of a community. What comes to my mind is Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- His good, pleasing and perfect will." So, no thank you on socialization. But if what you are really asking is do my kids have friends, then come on over and see the bustling Bitting house. They have many, many wonderful friends- public school friends, private school friends, home school friends, and friends of all ages. I love that my kids are unique and have the mindset that individuality is acceptable, even preferred.

In the beginning years, part of my homeschooling preference was trying to keep only good influences around my kids' impressionable minds. That's the easy life. But life isn't easy. I now want my kids to see the fallen world. They need to experience first hand why we need Jesus. They need to be the kids that are the good influence. They are God's children first, mine second.

never leave computers unattended in this house

she can work a mouse like no one's business, and delete  files
and freeze computers...and drive me crazy

one of my smarty pants girls thought it would be funny to take a picture of me
doing my "school of words with friends" My defense: It's multitasking.  

I have kids that are exceptional learners and kids that are slower learners, whom I still think are brilliant. I have learned when to push a little harder and when to stop pushing. I think that is the secret to a child's success.....being involved and really knowing your child, no matter what kind of school you decide for them. 

Friendship Can Be Seen On Every Face

I love spending time with my friends. The problem is that it doesn't happen very often. With children, spouses, jobs, and other responsibilities, it's surprising we gals ever get time together. Distance is also a factor with several of my best girls living hours away.

This weekend I got to hang with my favorite red head (just don't count my red headed nephew and niece).  This girl and I became friends way back when cabbage patch kids were growing in the garden and "We Are the World" was being sung by all as we held hands and willed starvation to become a thing of the past.

Kelly knows my secrets and my dreams. We were in each other's weddings and held each other's newborns. We talk of the past and look to the future. Laughter meets us at every get together. We know the One who holds our future, which makes our bond even stronger.

As much as I love my girl friends, I have a hard time making new ones. My heart is guarded. It's not the way I want it to be. Losing loved ones has made me reserved in sharing myself. It's difficult to give my love to others when I know how it feels to have them go away. Or not return the feelings.

But isn't life about taking chances and giving of yourself? If I get over my selfish insecurities, I can see others hurting. I see sadness. I see lonely. Friendship is helping an exhausted mom unload her grocery cart while she is bouncing a screaming infant. It's listening to the cashier talk of her bunions and offer sympathy. It's smiling and say hello to the lady wearing too little clothing while wearing too much make-up.

Jesus doesn't teach us to offer our friendship only if they are like us or if we get something in return. He commands us to love one another as He as loved us (John 13:34). And boy, does He love us. He is personally telling me to get out of my comfort zone, become vulnerable, and reach out to others.

Though my best friends will always be my soul sisters, everywhere I look I see friends just waiting to be noticed.



More pics from Kelly's:

    Kelly and I try to get together once a month, though it doesn't always work that way. This time we flaunted our youthfulness by dancing to Just Dance 3. If you want to see star quality rockers, our daughters took video footage. (ruh roh!) We require our husbands to be friends too. :-) And we may or may not have arranged marriages with our children. I hope everyone has a friend like my Kelly. Life is so much sweeter for sure.  The saying is true...friendships are one of life's greatest gifts!