Sunday, September 30, 2012

I'm sorry, Mom!

It's not a secret in my family that I was the "difficult" child. I was known to push the parental limits. After all, they were stupid limits....I knew what was best for me, I was my own person. Didn't my parents know I was a good kid? They didn't have to be so strict and overprotective. And if that wasn't bad enough, they never let me express myself verbally. Come on, I had something to say. Don't you want to know what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling?!

Then my mom went and did the unthinkable, she prayed that I would have kids just like me.

My old words are starting to be uttered by own children.....ugh! The words that came out of MY mouth today: "I do not have to give you a reason. The answer is no. Not another word." It may have possibly sounded more like this , "I DO NOT HAVE TO GIVE YOU A REASON....." You get the point.

Looking through old pictures I found this note written in teenage bubbly letters from when I was a sweet and sassy 16 year old. I dedicate this to you, Mom.

When I'm a parent:

1)I'm going to let my teenager go most places he/she wants to unless I have a very good excuse why not! Not because "I said so" or "You've already been somewhere this week"
2)I'll let my kid talk on the phone as long as he/she wants. Unless I need to use it or am expecting a call.
3)I'll let my children go tee-peeing. What's wrong w/ it?!!
4)My children will be allowed to attend dances when they are in Jr High.
5)I'll let my kids go on dates when they are 15!
6)I won't read any of their notes unless they say I can.
7)I'll let them have more privileges than I ever had!
8)I won't embarrass them by bringing up the past.
9)I'll let them have their own phone!!
10)They can have a tv in their room.
11)I will not make them clean the house and do dishes EVERYDAY!!
12)I will be understanding and let them tell me their point of view.

Good thing I wrote that down so I could let my smart teenage self raise my teens. Ha! I feel I'm doing just fine raising teenagers and enjoying them very much even on the days we don't see eye to eye and I have to get (gulp) strict. And I better get in a groove and learn and grow because I will have teenagers for 21 years!!

kids of the 90's dressing up for 80's night at youth group
There are days when I think of my mom and realize what head/heart aches I caused. I have never apologized for my....uh,...teenage attitude. Honestly, until recently I have still been siding with my 16 yr old self, blind to how my parents saw me. 

My eyes are open. If there is one thing I want my children to know about my parenting it is that I do/did my very best. It may not have always been what they would have wanted or even what is right. But it is always, always out of love! 

So, Mom, this is your apology, in writing, no less! I'm sorry. Sorry for not being able to hold my tongue (something I'm still working on, dang it!), sorry for causing you to question where you went wrong because of your 2nd child, sorry for the disobedience, sorry for sneaking out.....ok....who needs a detailed list? :) I am a better mom because of who you were and who you are!  I love you! 


jodyfoznot said...

First of all, I find it HYSTERICAL that your 16-year-old self actually wrote a list detailing how grievously you though you were parented and how you were not going to make those same mistakes with your very lucky future children. Your packrat tendencies are proving useful in deciphering the teens currently in your home. (21 years of parenting teens? Wow. Is there a trophy for that? Or least a complimentary prescription for some type of sedative?)

And if you are unable to provide mom a detailed list, have her call me. I might be able to fill in the blanks.

Another great post. xoxo

Mom said...

First of all I never 'prayed' for you to have children like you. Those were just frustrated threats.
Secondly I secretly loved your feistiness although it was exhausting.
The main thing is you turned out to be a wonderful mother and a best friend and I couldn't ask for more.
Thank you for finally seeing that being a 'mean mom' isn't easy and knowing that all the mistakes we did do was all done with the best intentions of raising and loving our children. Love you!
P.S. Jody, thanks but I really don't want details. ;-) Love you too!